Friday, March 4, 2011

March 1 - The Day Life Changed

I want to post what I have written in an email and posted to facebook about what is happening in my life right now. I know there are quite a few views on this blog and since I haven't posted much in the last month many are probably wondering what is going on. Well, a lot! I am still quilting. I have to keep occupied with other things so that I don't get overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. But I may not be quilting nearly as much. So if you are a customer, please still stay in contact, bring me a quilt when you need one done so that we stay connected. I may take longer to get a quilt back but I still want to stay in this business.
So here's what's going on with my health:
Thank you all very much for all your prayers -- they have been so
felt. I think this would rate as the scariest week of my life! And I
can truthfully say that on Tuesday, March 1, my life changed. It all
started with the MRI which in itself was pretty frightening. The test
was long and I could tell at the end that they had found something,
but of course they say your doctor should call you within 24 hours.
Well my doctor called within two hours and said they had found a
'large tumor'. His opinion was that it would need to be surgically
removed. He was sending the MRI and my other records on to a
neurologist and said he would call me later as soon as he talked to
the neurologist. When I hung up the phone I was literally in shock.
I felt cold, light headed and like throwing up. Rick thought I should
lie down and try to rest but that was impossible. It's funny the
thoughts that run through one's mind when one is faced with something
that looks very grave. I thought about not being here to see my kids
all grown up, not being able to see grandchildren, not growing old
with Rick, not getting to go to Hawaii :(, the quilts I never
finished, the seeds I've started that I might not see produce anything
and on and on it goes. From the serious to the ridiculous I had a
million thoughts, and most of them were pretty negative. My main
feeling was similar to my first experience with labor, "I really don't
want to go through this, but there's no way out of it". (Sorry you
guys can't relate to this). All that I know about God, His
omniscience, His power, His love for me, His total control over my
life were tested (and continue to be). It's easy to say you believe
all that, but when faced with what seemed to be ahead I struggled.
Needless to say, most of Tuesday night was sleepless (it probably was
that way for much of my family and friends too). Fears are always
worse at night and I learned years ago to battle fear with Scripture,
even speaking it out loud (though quietly enough to not wake Rick).

On Wednesday I talked to the doctor again and he said after talking to
the neurologist that most likely the tumor was benign but in an area
that was inoperable. He said it possibly could be treated with
radiation to shrink the tumor. Benign is good, inoperable is bad (or
maybe good since brain surgery didn't sound like much fun), radiation
I wasn't sure about. It did help to relieve a lot of anxiety to get
that report.

So here's what we think we know. The kind of tumor is called a
meningiomas. It is a very, very slow growing tumor and almost always
benign. The larger it gets the more difficult it is to remove and
sometimes because of where it grows it is impossible to remove (such
may be the case for me). It can often be reduced by radiation
treatments. The tumor does not grow in brain tissue but between the
brain matter and the sac containing the brain. Problems can arise
when it gets to the size where it is putting pressure on some area of
the brain and can cause various symptoms. My main symptom has been
double vision. In the last two months I have had more pressure in my
ear, temple and eye. These tumors are many times found during an
autopsy and the person never knew they were even there. They occur
more often in women and most often between the ages of 40 - 60.

I have an appointment with the neurologist on Tuesday afternoon.
Hopefully that will answer a lot of questions. I still don't know how
big this 'large' tumor is. Is it the size of a marble or the size of
a golf ball? I don't know exactly where it is other than it is on my
left side.

My continued prayer request is for peace of mind and trust in our
great and awesome God. Pray that God would simply remove the tumor
(wouldn't that be a powerful witness of God's power), that it would
shrink, or that it will be treated correctly.

God knew from the very beginning of time that this was in His plan for
my life. It was a surprise to me -- but not to God. I don't know
where this road goes or how it will end but I know whose hands it's
all in. The support from family, friends and especially Rick has been
overwhelming. Thanks for your love.


grandmarockton said...

We are praying for you and your family at this TIME but God has everything under-control and will do what has to be done! KEEP the FAITH your Gods child! I was told by some very wise women long ago "HE NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE" sometimes we just think we can't!

Eliana Zerbinatti... said...

Eu também creio em Deus e o amo, de todo meu coração. Sou brasileira e moro em São Paulo, onde nasci. Daqui também estão subindo orações por você.
Tenho certeza de que Deus nos ouve, nos responde e opera os milagres que precisamos (eu mesma já recebi muitos deles).
Tenha fé. Deus está em sua vida e um sinal disso são os dons que Dele recebeu: o dom da Fé, o dom de ser amável, amiga e até mesmo a artista que é.
Com amor te saúdo com A Paz de Deus.